Treating Muslim’s Children regarding gifts and properties

Giving away lifetime gifts is an act of kindness that is observed with justice and fairness. Treating children by adhering to the belief of Islam is obligatory. The Madhab (i.e., Islamic jurisprudence schools) differ regarding favoritism between the children in apportioning. The difference of opinion ranges from absolute prohibition of partiality regarding apportioning and adhering to either treating all children equally or giving sons double the share of daughters.

Even though there is extreme clarity in giving away gifts or apportioning (i.e., Al-Attiyah) in this respect, we find below malpractices and abuses among the Muslim community.

1. Gifting children as a part of Wasiyya (i.e., Islamic Wills).

2. Giving larger gifts to sons than daughters.

3. Giving larger gifts to daughters than sons.

4. Giving larger gifts one of the child than others.

5. Depriving one or more child from giving Gifts completely.

6. Depriving Sons and give gifts to Daughters only.

7. Depriving Daughters and give gifts to Sons only.

8. Father invokes verbal gifts equal to all children.

Lifetime gift limitation

The lifetime gift is restricted to one-third as per this Hadith narrated Sa'd bin Abi Waqqas (RA): I said, "O Allah's Messenger, I have wealth and no one to inherit from me except my one daughter. Shall I give two-thirds of my property as Sadaqah?" He replied, "No." I said, "Shall I give half of it as Sadaqah?" He replied, "No." I said, "Shall I give a third of it as Sadaqah?" He replied, "You may give a third as Sadaqah, which is still a lot. To leave your heirs rich is better than to leave them poor and begging from people." (Book 7, Hadith 959)

Scholar’s differences of opinions

Islamic scholars have different opinions on distributing gifts to children in a lifetime.

1. Give gifts equally to all children.

2. Give double the portion of gifts to Sons than Daughters as per Islamic law of Inheritance (Holy Quran 4:11).

3. Give gifts to some children more than others with consent and without pressure based on scholar’s opinions.

Treating children equally

Obviously, the Islamic ruling is very crisp regarding giving away gifts to children, as outlined in the following Hadiths.

1. An-Nu'man said, when he was delivering a Khutbah: "My father took me to the Messenger of Allah to ask him to bear witness to a gift that he had given me. He said: 'Do you have any other children besides him?' He said: 'Yes.' He said: 'Treat them equally.'" (Sunan an-Nasa'i 3686, Book 31, Hadith 15)

2. An-Nu'man bin Bashir delivered a Khutbah and said: "The Messenger of Allah said: 'Treat your children fairly, treat your children fairly.'" (Sunan an-Nasa'i 3687, Book 31, Hadith 16)

3. It was narrated that Nu'man bin Bashir said that his father took him to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said: “Bear witness that I have given Nu'man such and such from my wealth.” He said: “Have you given all your children something like that which you have given to Nu'man?” He said: “No.” He said: “Then let someone other than me bear witness to that.” And he said: “Would you not like all your children to honor you equally?” He said: “Of course.” He said: “Then do not do this.” (Sunan Ibn Majah 2375, Book 14, Hadith 1)

4. Ibn Abbas reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Treat your children equally regarding gifts. If I were to favor anyone, I would have favored women.” In another narration, the Prophet said, “If I were to prefer anyone, I would have preferred women over men.” -Al-Sunan Al-Kubra 11092

5. There is no difference between male and female children. The male and the female should be apportioned equally. This is the doctrine of the Hanafi and the Shafii. (Hanafi reference: Kashf Al-Kina'a, Bahuti, 10/144, Shafii reference: Badaye'a Al-Sanae'a, Al-Kasani, 6/127, Al-Bahr Al-Raye'a Sharh Kanz Al-Dakayek, 7/288)

These hadiths and opinions clearly state that treating children unequally in all respects, including giving away gifts, is injustice, and all injustice is forbidden in Islam. Moreover, the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) did not specify sons. He spoke about the man’s children, which means sons and daughters. They should all be given equal gifts to maintain justice and fairness.

Treat children following the Islamic law of inheritance

Some scholars believe that children should get gifts based on sons getting double the share of daughters as follows (Holy Quran 4:11).

1. If your father wants to share out his wealth or some of his wealth among his children, he should share it out among males and females in accordance with the shares of inheritance prescribed by sharee’ah, whereby the male gets the share of two females. -Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (16/197)

2. The male child should get the same portion as the two females. This is the doctrine of Hanbalis (Kashf Al-Kina'a, Bahouti, 10/144).

Favouring one child over another (Favouritism)

Favoritism is a kind of injustice. The treatment is not just if someone shows favoritism among children, whether regarding money, gifts, or behavior. Muslims must be just in speaking, judgment, and all kinds of dealings with children. So, it is not permissible to single out one child over another without legitimate Shariah reason, for example, a child suffering from chronic or severe illness, blindness, or any other disability that restricts him or her from study, career, or employment.

Those Islamic scholars who favored one child over another child in need for special shariah reasons refer to the Hadith narrated by Malik in al-Muwatta that states Malik related to me from Ibn Shihab from Urwa ibn az-Zubayr that A'isha, the wife of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Abu Bakr as-Siddiq gave me palm trees whose produce was twenty awsuq from his property at al-Ghaba. When he was dying, he said, 'By Allah, little daughter, there is no one I would prefer to be wealthy after I die than you. There is no one it is more difficult for me to see poor after I die than you. I gave you palm-trees whose produce is twenty awsuq. Had you cut them and taken possession of them, they would have been yours, but today they are the property of the heirs, and they are your two brothers and your two sisters, so divide it according to the Book of Allah.' A'isha continued, "I said, 'My father! By Allah, even if it had been more, I would have left it. There is only Asma. Who is my other sister?" Abu Bakr replied, 'What is in the womb of Kharija? (Kharija was the wife of Abu Bakr's 'brother' from the Ansar.) I think that it is going to be a girl.' " Following is the commentary specific to this Hadith.

1. It is permissible that Abu Bakr (may Almighty God be pleased with him) has favored Aisha with an apportioning because of kinship ties, her needs and her incapability neither to make a living nor arrange resources for it, being the mother of believers, being the wife of the Prophet (ﷺ) or for other virtues (Al-Turki & Al-Helou, 1997).

2. One could favour one’s child for the right purpose because of a need, family, studies, etc., or due to others’ debauchery and wickedness (Al- Fares & Al-Saadani, 1994).

3. Favoring one of the children due to a large number of children in his family and due to his need and poverty. Children should be treated fairly in terms of apportioning (Al-Attiyah). If some children are poor and needy, and some of them are rich and contented, it should be considered to favor the poor and needy children over the rich and contented ones. For that reason, comforting the poor and needy is preferable to making the rich and contented richer (Hammad & Dhameeriah, 1994)

4. It is permissible if apportion is due to a legitimate justification, such as being poor while his brothers are rich or an enduring desire to study, not aiming for favoritism. One of these purposes is that perhaps the rest of his brothers shall be willing to study to be like him (Fatwas and letters of His Honor Sheikh Mohammed bin Ibrahim Al-Sheikh, Collected By Mohammed bin Qassim, 9/213)

The reasons for giving away a child more that others may have one or more of following reasons. However, matters should refer to competent Islamic scholars for further interpretations.

1. The child is in need and is unable to earn a living.

2. Giving the child’s expenditure due to having special health conditions, including physical or mental disability (for example, lifetime diseases like blindness or disability or sudden fatal disease).

3. A child has a special physical or mental disability that he or she is unable to earn.

4. A child needs education while other children are educated enough to be independent.

5. The child enjoyed a unique status in the family regarding religious practice and other virtues.

6. A favored child has contributed to the gift from their own earning.

7. A child has a sickness that may require long-term care.

In all of the above or other situations, the following must be observed as a minimum because this issue is critical and needs extra care to uphold the fundamental tenet of Shariah principles.

1. Legitimacy of valid reasons must be assessed thoroughly by a qualified Islamic scholar.

2. Justice and fairness must be observed for all children. Injustice is sin as stated “Indeed, Allah commands justice, grace, as well as generosity to close relatives. He forbids indecency, wickedness, and aggression. He instructs you so perhaps you will be mindful.” (Holy Quran 16:90)

3. Avoid favoritism, as fairness is an obligation to be accomplished. (Badaye'a Al-Sanae'a, Al-Kasani, 6/127, Al-Ma'awnah Ala Math-hab Alem Al-Madinah, Al-Baghdadi Al-Maliki, 1/1616, Fatah Al-Bari, Explained by Saheed Al-Bukhari, Ibn Hajar, 5/214)

4. Favoring a child does not create hostility, enmity, or threat among other children.

5. Favored Child has consent from siblings without any undue pressure or fear.

6. As the promotion of welfare and prevention of evil is in the essence of Sharia, it requires the prohibition of favoritism. (Ighathat Al-Walhan from the Satan's traps, Ibn Al-Kayyem, 1/465)

7. Treating children fairly is desirable in apportioning (Al-Attiyah), whereas favoritism breeds contempt and hatred. (Hanafis reference: Al-Mabsout, Al-Sarkhsi, 12/56, Sharh Ma'ani Al-Athar, Al-Tahawi, 4/86, Maliki reference: Al-Istithkar, Al-Game'a Limathaheb Al-Amsar, Ibn Abdul-Bar, 22/293, Shafii reference: Al-Mohadhab in Shafi'iJurisprudence, Al-Shirazi, 2/333, Hamesh Al-Bejermi, 3/219)

8. Favoritism between children regarding Apportioning (Al-Attiyah) is absolutely prohibited, which is the doctrine of Hanbali.

Child’s contributions towards GIFTS

When one or more properties are gifted to children, any contribution received by any of the children and any liability they incurred should be taken into account. For example, if one or more children who live on their own receive substantial help from their parents to buy their house, that help should be taken into account in determining their share. So, the share of all children should be carefully calculated, taking into account what they have already received.

Faqs

Can Mother favor one child over another?

Mother is obliged to follow the same rulings as Father regarding the treatment of children because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Fear Allah and treat your children fairly.” And because she is one of the two parents, she is forbidden to favor one child over another, just as the father is. If the father favors some children, that generates hatred and resentment. The same applies if the mother favors some of her children over others (Al-Mughni, 8/261).  

How should treat children in terms giving away gifts?

Some scholars believe that it is haram for favoring one child over another. While other scholars are of the opinion that it is permissible to give one child over another based on legitimate Shariah reasons. However, there is no difference of opinions if you treat children equally regarding giving away gifts. Many scholars support giving sons double the portion of daughters.

Why should treat children equally regarding Gifts?

Firstly, it is authenticated by Hadith (Sunan an-Nasa'i 3686, Book 31, Hadith 15). Secondly, the rationale behind the prohibition is that preferring some of them to others is capable of generating enmity and hatred among the children, and this is likely to be a step that leads to severing family ties and disobeying one’s parents.

Is it permissible to favour one child over another regarding gifts in Islam?

Islamic scholars agree to give more gifts from one child to another, only allowing them based on legitimate Shariah reasons or specific needs, such as sick children, tuition fees, etc.

What are the key considerations in giving away gifts to children?

Treat children equally, fairly, and justly based on Islamic principles. Do not pressure one child to convince for fewer gifts because you are favoring another. You cannot favor one child over another based on your preferences, wishes, and desires.

Can I own gifts while giving them to children?

Once money is given to a child as a gift, it becomes his/hers, and the father becomes only a custodian.